Why do men lie...

Sitting here, for the third time in my life - well not third actually, as it has happened many times with each man, but for the third relationship in my life... fourth if you count a man who was my best friend too, that I loved, and lied about who he married even... feeling the pain of lies.

Why do men lie...

My husband of almost five years, who had an email account when we were married, was writing an ex love, and most likely other women,well into our relationship. I discovered by complete accident, and after much anger and 'ownership' of this account, he agreed to let it go, as well as the woman(en) he was writing...

Five years later... same scenario... discovered by accident as we were again making vacation plans... a confirmation on the phone to this address he swore was no more.

When I asked him to open it so we could deal with what we needed to deal with, meaning the truth... he refused.

I know that I don't need to see the account, nor any emails in it.

I know that just the fact that he lied, and that he will not open it in front of me, without a doubt proves he is being dishonest...

But still, I feel the need to know what I am dealing with, and am having a hard time making a decision to leave without that 'truth'...

But...Will I be able to trust him again...

No.

Is that enough reason to leave...

Yes.

So as I sit here alone, with so many thoughts consuming my mind and heart, scenarios galore breaking my life, in terms of marriage once again... love once again... I just feel nothing but heartbreak... nothing but heartbreak...

I can't even write anymore. So discouraged about everything, I can't even write my heart here.